So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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