I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
