How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
