Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
