I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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