meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
