I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
