I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
