so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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