You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
