Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
