I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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