Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize