Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
pray to the hookup gods
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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