Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
zippers are such a cool invention
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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