I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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