I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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