You just made me feel so damn special
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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