Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
