i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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