operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
