I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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