dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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