Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
