i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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