That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
