i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
