Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
