I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I miss vodka workout Fridays
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
