Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize