i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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