a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Terrible idea I love it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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