We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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