I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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