Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
