Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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