Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
