I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
