Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
