Banned from zoo.
Again?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
