we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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