I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
