im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
