you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
