ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize