Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
