Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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