i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
