we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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