So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
a search helicopter?!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We have so much sex to catch up on
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
