Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
ttyl tear gas
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
