I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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