I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
