She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
