yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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