At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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