hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
