There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
