You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
