I think I am morally bankrupt
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
