i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
