dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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