i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
