you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize