THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
