I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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