Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
