What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I believe in your delicious
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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