so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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