She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
